I don't know why.

I don't know why I feel like I want to talk to you all of a sudden, all I know is I do and that it is no longer in a romantic way.

I cannot tell you how incredibly great it feels to say that.

I just really needed to say that. To get that off my chest. So yes, I want to talk to you but as a friend and only a friend.

Friends. Yeah. That sounds nice.

Leave me alone.

STOP!

Just stop! Please stay out of my business. I can't deal with you anymore. You are childish, immature, bratty, and bitchy.

"Come on Allie. Give her a break. She's only 13". Really?! Are you fucking kidding me? Do you know what would happen if I acted the way she did when I was 13? I'd get grounded. I wouldn't be allowed to go out with friends. My phone and my computer would be take away. And what does she get? A kiss and a hug and a "it's okay baby. I forgive you". NO! Fuck that. Fuck you. Fuck all of you!

And you know what? Don't go around telling her all the conversations I have with you. "I hear you got in a fight with mom about getting your cartilage pierced. She already said no so it's stupid to keep asking for it. Dr Becky told mom not to let you so she is never going to say yes so you should stop asking". My answer? "No. I'm going to keep asking. I'm going to be persistant until I get what I want. And if she continues to say no? Well, my 18th birthday is only a year and a half away and then I can do whatever I want. So thanks for the input but please leave me alone".

You know what else I'm going to do when I'm 18? Get away from you! I cannot wait until college. Until I move out of this house and start to actually live my life. To be free of all the stress and frustration the three of you bring to me. It has gotten to the point where anytime any one of you opens your mouth's, I automatically begin to get upset. It shouldn't be like that. I shouldn't feel frustration every time I have a conversation. And that is why I'm ready to leave. It will be so nice to be on my own and not have t deal with any of you every single day.

What am I going to do until then? I don't know.

I really don't know.

I have to sleep.

If I don't I will be absolutely exhausted in the morning. But the thing is, I don't want to sleep yet. I want to keep working. I want to stay up all night until it is perfect. Not because I have to, but because I want to.

Let me update you. Up until this point I have had in the back of my mind that I want to go into broadcast journalism and be a report for a new station. A few days ago it hit me that maybe that is not what I want to do in life. It was a career that I had come across to combine two things. Acting/performing, which I love, and writing, which I'm good at. But the other day it hit me. I don't want to be a reporter. Sure it's fun now, but I'm not getting as much enjoyment out of it as I would like, so would I really be happy in 10 or 15 years down the road doing just that? Probably not. However, there is something that I do enjoy very much which I have only recently found a passion for within the last year. Producing.

I promised myself I would never be an actor because it's too risky of a business, and while producing isn't much better, it makes me ridiculously happy. Take tonight for example. Finding that script, I can't even begin to describe to you the excitement it brought me. It motivated me to start editing, and cutting, and making all sorts of little changes here and there until it is perfect. It will be perfect. It motivated me to work out casting bugs and find instrumental tracks. It sparked a fire in me. A fire that feels so warm and burns so bright.

Now back to where I was headed with this. I want to keep working until everything is perfect. Until every last details has been worked out and we are ready to jump into rehearsals. I'm so excited and it gives me the absolute best feeling in the world. A feeling that I never want to lose. This time last year, to get to this point was only a dream, and now a year later we are already moving onto a second phase. A second chapter of novel which has only just begun.

I can't wait to see what else will come of this. :)

And once I'm done with this project, I can't wait to move onto the next one. I do believe this is something that I could be happy doing for the rest of my life no matter how little it pays. Because in the end, what is money worth if you are not happy? Nothing.

Tomorrow.

It most certainly will be an interesting day. Well, more like and interesting night.

Seeing a movie with some old friends including a best friend, an ex, and someone I have never met along with a couple really good friends. Then sleepover with the girls.

It will for sure be an interesting evening, but I'm kind of excited for it. It's always nice when we all get to get together as a group like we used to back in elementary school and junior high.

I'm not entirely sure where I was going with this post....I kind of just wanted to throw it out there.

...And now I have. That is all.