I Lied.

Do you remember a few months ago when I said I was completely over him? Well, I guess I was wrong. I can't get him out of my head. I miss him like crazy. I think about him every minute of every day. I think about how much of an idiot I was for never letting him make his move. How I always gave him mixed signals. And now, he is thousands of miles away and there is absolutely nothing I can do about that.

Yes, we had our ups and downs. Yes there were times when he treated me like shit, but there were times when I did the same to him. When I would tell him I couldn't hang out because the fact of the matter is that I was scared. I would give anything to go back a year or two and say yes to all those invitations. Maybe things would be different.

I took all the times we had for granted and I so wish I could have them back. There is so much I would change.

But, I'll get over him eventually right? I have to. I can't live like this forever. This is harder than I ever imagined, but when he sends me messages like "hey sweetheart", I just melt all over again. I can't help it.

I know I'm acting stupid and I know it's time to let it go, but I haven't found a way to do that yet.

Maybe one day he will disappear from my mind. Today is not that day.