You don't get it. No one gets it.

I don't want to feel like I'm someone of the past or a used napkin that has just been thrown out anymore. It sucks. For some reason, people don't seem to get that. And I don't feel selfish for saying that anymore because my feelings are just as important as anyone else's. That's right. I'm important. And wether other people choose to see that or not, I guess that is their decision. All that matters is that way deep down I know my self worth and that I always remember that somewhere out there there is something waiting for me that is so much better than all of this. There is life.

Leaving

It's a much anticipated and huge change. Last night I said goodbye to my best friend as she got ready to leave for college. Not gonna lie, it was hard and there were tears. I'm so excited and proud of her and know she is going to do great things, but it just kind of really sucks knowing she won't be 10 minutes away anymore. Sure I'm going up to visit her in two weeks, but it doesn't make it any less difficult. 

Change happens. You just have to take it as it comes. 

I'M DONE!

Why is it that when you text me upset or ask for words of encouragement I respond and give you just that but when I do the same thing I get a one worded text or even better no response at all?! Why is it that we've seemed to have established that your problems are always bigger than mine?! Why is it that all of a sudden I'm getting the cold shoulder when all I want is my friend back?! And now I'm sitting here crying 30 minutes before I take a test that could possibly describe my future all because I just wanted a text back saying thing will be okay or something!

And all because I can still hear that stupid sentence ringing loud and clear in my head.

I hate feeling like I'm losing friends, but I don't know how much longer I can put up with this.

To be a part of something

It's a magical feeling. These past few months I have not been working on any form of project and it's left me kind of empty. Now I'm back in rehearsals and suddenly, I find another piece that fits in the puzzle of the road to finding myself again. While I can't it makes the sadness and loneliness go away, it does put a little spark back in me that was previously missing. It also once again reassures me that this is what I love and want to do and that I am making the right choice. Feeling that feeling again may be just what I need to get me through these next few months.

I can do this.