Today.

Thus morning I woke up with a mix or emotions. I was sad that I wouldn't be going to formal and being with all my friends..but I was also excited to have a fun day (a day that I didn't know was gonna turn out into an amazing day) with my dad.

First on our list of things to do was go to IHOP and have brunch. Pancakes were Yummy of course! But we got to talk about a lot of stuff which was good. We talked more in the car..about ky friends..about school..about him..about her..about them..about everything! I started crying a little but it was good.

Once we arrived at ucla daddy gave me my own private tour of the campus. It's absolutley gorgeous! Everything about it is just beautiful! From the buildings to the plants to the people at the school..its just great! We walked up beyond walk where we laughed once we got to the top because we were so out of breathe. I got to see where my dad and his theatre and glee friends Hung out and where my mom and her science friends Hung out. It's was good.

Next we headed over to Polly Pavilion where ucla beat wsu! I don't remember the score but ucla was up the entire game and it was just a lit if fun.

After that dad gave me a tour of westwood. It's like this whole little town attached to the ucla campus. Mainly because it is! He showed me where he met his long time friend and the man who is basically my uncle. He showed me the very first movie theatre he worked at and the lot of The theatre where he was the manager. (they recently tore down the building). He showed me where he took my mom on Their first date and ur showed me where I was born. We went to this little store in westwood called Diddy reices (i think that's how you spell it). They have THE BEST cookies ever! Not to mention they are only 35 cents each. Cookies and ice come milk...absolutely delicious! We decided to keep walking around when we bumped into a trader Korea that had some apartment buildings on top.

Goal for the future :

1. Go to ucla

2. Live in the apartments above trader joes

3. Work at trader joes

4. Buy a yellow scooter so I can transport from trader joes to my classes.

After going to best buy and getting a Jew case for my phone, we drove back to valencia and saw avatar! Three words..OH MY GOSH! AMAZING!!!! it was great! I absolutely loved it! It was just...wow.

So in the end it was an absolutley fabulous day! I wouldnt have had it any other way. So I didn't got to formal..big whoop. I had q great time with my dad. And for the first time in a little while I was truly happyn :)

Thanks daddy. You know just how to put that smile back on my face <3

Thinking of the positive.

You know, at first I was kinda hummed that I wasn't going to the dance. That I didn't have a date. And that my friends would be having a great time and I wouldnt.

But now..I'm ok.

No Im not going to be hanging out with my friends or be dressed up all pretty being escorted to the dance..but I am going to getvto spend my day with my dad at a ucla game having a great time.

Plus now it doesn't have to be akward. We don't have to go through the weirdness of me seeing the two of you dancing, or kissing, or anything!

And you know what..I'm ok.

Am I happy your going to be at my formal with my friends? No. But o am happy that I'm gonna have a day where I don't have to deal with you or her or anyone.

formspring.

so today it was raining,

and i was bored.

so i made a formspring.

and i think you should make me unbored and ask me a question.

yah. k. you know you want to.

:)

formspring.me/allisonkupfer

flattery.

its nice to get compliments from people.

i have no problem with compliments.

its the compliments that involve copying that just bugs the crap out of me!

ok so i know this person.

they are nice and all but a little annoying.

ok a lot annoying.

anyways. so it seems to be whenever i get something they get it to.

i get a new top they, they compliment me on it and the next day they have it.

just the other day i got a new phone. i didnt even tell them i had a new phone.

and yesterday they asked my friend how i liked my phone! and the same day went out and bought it!

its things like that that bother me.

ugh!

am i the only one?

protected.

Everywhere I go I am protected.
My parents protect me, and thats totally cool.

its my friends that are trying to protect me...not cool.

they think I don't know what's going on.
I mean really???
well guess what, she's not as stupid as she looks folks!!

they think I don't notice them having private conversations off to the side?
they think I don't notice how they change the subject when I walk up?
they think I don't notice how they glance at me every now and then to see if I notice them talking?
they think I don't know what's going on?!?

well I do.
I'm not that dumb!
yah I saw when u texted him " I love you to ".
and I saw when you tried to hide that kiss.
and yes I did see you making out on the hammock.

it just makes me sick.

you think you know what's best for me because your older. but you don't. it just hurts me even more.

I wish people would stop saying they know how I feel. because unless they are in my situation or have been through something like it..they don't.

I wish everyone would stop protecting me.

schedule?

Today I received my schedule,

and I'm really happy with it....

theres just one little problem...

I want ti audition for womens.

Thats what I planned to do.

But if I get in the schedule change might mess everything up!!

maybe I won't change....

:/ ?

grades.

So today I received my report card and I was expecting all A's and B's.

Than I looked at my english grade which said I got a C!

A C?!

I checked my grade in that class after I took the final and the stupid paper said I had a B!

Ug!

so mad!

teachers suck. :/

bad.

Am I really that bad of a person?

Is it bad to see a picture of her and want to just punch her in the face?

Is it bad that I see a picture of them and want to put my finger over her and cut her out?

maybe these feelings are normal.

I just want to protect him.

but..I want him to be happy.

she makes him happy.

why can't he be happy with someone at his school? in his own town?

They say to tell them when i feel upset or have anything on my mind..well atleast he does.

But lets face it. i can't be honest. it would crush him.

so for now i wear this fake smile saying everything is ok.

but look inside of me, its not.

walking with no where to go.

Sometimes a just feel lost. Like i don't know where to go.

What do I wanna do when I grow up?

I'm asked this all the time. Truth is I Have No Idea!

I've toyed with all the normal ideas, a teacher, a doctor, a lawyer, stuff like that.

But nothing seems to fit me.

My sister has her life planned out. She's going to be a fashion designer. No doubt about it.

She also has my life planned out. I'm going to do the businessy side of her line. Now its almost like this is what I'm doing. no doubt about it. But is this what I want to do with my life? I don't know.

I do like fashion. I always have.

I just don't know.

But heres what i do know..

Things I want to do before 2011:

- dance again

- explore new things

- clear my face

- advance in choir

- start a new adventure

- find what I want to do.

i love you.

More than anything I love you.

You are like my brother.

You have always been there for me and we've had each others backs.

but lately...

I know I'm selfish when it comes to you.

I want you all to myself.

She is...was my bestfreind.

And its not your fault.

Its not anyones fault.

We've changed.

She's changed and I've changed.

And as hard as I try to do what's gonna make you happy and be friends with her..

we are never going to go back to the way we were. the way we used to be.

when we were 2. the best of friends. nothing could tear us apart.

If only you could see the number of tears I have cried.

over you.

over her.

over this whole relationship.

but enough about the negative...

the positive?

next year your a senior.

what does that mean for me?

at the most i have one more year of this relationship.

Because lets face it hun..It's never going to last past high school.

that was mean sorry. :/

I love you.

I'm sorry.

Why am i here?

I said i wouldn't do this.

I said i wouldn't join this world of of writing my feelings on the internet for all to see.

I said i would be different.

I said i wouldn't let the blogger inside of me come forth.

I said i would just stick with facebook and write everything thats "on my mind" there.

I said i would keep a diary and write my thoughts each night.

But lets face it. That diary went out the window a long time ago.

Sure it was great at first. But then i have to think time to go write in my diary. and lets face it.. i don't think that everyday. this is just so much easier.

And you know I've done this whole blogging thing before.

But then i just stopped.

I don't know why.

It was actually making me feel better.

Maybe this time will be different.

So here i am.

writing.

making a blog.

*cringe*

*sigh*

yah.